Thursday, February 04, 2010

HaHaפuch: It's Not Just a Coffee Anymore

Good morning, people-for the last 3.5 years, I have tried to make you laugh through video goodness, ridiculous status updates and Tweets, Yom Ha'atzmaut lists, stand-up, and of course, observations and personal tales on this blog. Next Thursday night (now I sound like the movie guy: "He took on Austin Powers, found out about his son, and birthed a clone....this summer, for the first time, Dr. Evil goes to Pinati."), Israel's newest comedy troupe has its first show.

"3.71 million shekels!"

Get ready, Israel, and say hello to HaHaפuch! For the Hebrew-impaired, "haפuch" (or hafuch...or הפוך) means backwards or upside-down and is also short for "cafe hafuch" which is a cafe au lait....or cappuccino...or latte? Six-plus years in NY and Israel and I still don't understand the distinctions. Although I think we call it "hafuch" because we add just a bit of coffee to a lot of milk as opposed to the typical bit of milk to lot of coffee. (Wow, this blog officially entered the "oleh chadash" zone over the last paragraph. How embarrassing. Thought I was past that years ago. No comments from the peanut gallery. This post is what happens when I only sleep four hours. I even finished this entire blog post before remembering to add the "haha" layer as well.)

ANYWAY....next Thursday, February 11th, Merkaz Hamagshimim, doors open at 7:30 for a show featuring sketches, videos, improv, musical guest KOLture Shock, a spotlight on immigrant innovation with Jonathan Miller of the Asif Winery, cheap beer and wine, and of course, lots of laughs. We have some supertalented people and I'm eager for you to see how my writing goes over onstage.


Have you noticed how "cheap beer" seems to be the adult equivalent of "free pizza" in college? Sample Hillel flyer: "Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will be speaking at 7 PM at the Strauss Building. FREE PIZZA!!!!!!!" 6:50 PM? Huge turnout.

Tickets are 35 shekels, 30 for soldiers and students. For Hahaפuch. Not....never mind.

FB fan page for future updates about HaHaפuch
FB event page for this show

Spread the word and see you there!


Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Aardvark Israel is Launched: What Does It Mean?

Q: What the heck is Aardvark Israel?

A: Anyone who's paid any attention to developments in the Jewish world knows about the problems of Hadassah and its youth movement Young Judaea over the past few years. Hadassah has lost millions of dollars and Young Judaea's numbers have gradually fallen as a result of management, the fact that just maybe kids in the 21st century don't want or have room for a Zionist youth movement as they much as they did fifty years ago, or maybe something in between. I've remained close enough to Young Judaea throughout my adult life to have realized that it's not as simple as "this all happened in the last ten minutes, thanks to _________'s decisions". Young Judaea was tiny when I was a kid way back when, sometimes attracting in the neighborhood of forty kids to a regional convention in Texas. ("What? You're from Texas? Where's your accent?" I'm still shocked when people still say this to me. Seriously? Hey, you're from California? Where's your surfboard? You're from New York? Where's your whitefish? You're from Israel! Where's your camel?)

"Listen, varmint-there ain't enough room in this town for the both of us.
That said, I'm leaving. My arnona payments are outrageous."

Having graduated thousands of passionate alumni, many of whom either spent time on Year Course or even moved to Israel, there are a lot of Jewish armchair quarterbacks who feel very strongly about these issues. The news which broke yesterday, significant enough to warrant front page status on the Jerusalem Post, will only continue to stir the debate, even dividing people into two camps.

Just a few weeks ago, Year Course director and long-time YJ employee Keith Berman resigned from his position. Yesterday, via Facebook, Keith announced his future (and current) plans: to not only create a new MASA gap year program called Aardvark Israel but to do so with the help of several former Year Course employees. While it may be too dramatic to say that the battle lines are drawn, this is an issue which is going to stir strong emotions in people, some of which have already begun taking sides in the Jpost talkbacks and on Facebook walls. Having worked for Young Judaea both in the US and Israel, I personally now have friends working for both these programs. People have strong loyalties to their youth group, to their friends, and to Israel.

What we know:
-Aardvark Israel has a very well done website which wasn't just designed yesterday.
-The program will offer an incredible amount of choice in specialty programs including travel, digital arts and media, spirituality, and more. The incredible amount of choice that exists on Year Course happened on Keith's watch and more accurately, because of Keith, as his own personal vision and brainchild. (Ech omrim "brainchild"?)
-Among its new employees are the former director, assistant director, director of Shalem (Orthodox track of Year Course), director and assistant director of the Jerusalem track, among others.
-The price is around $15,000, not including flight and meals, which still makes it several thousand dollars cheaper than similar programs.

Some questions:
-Year Course over the last 10 years exploded from a program of 100-something participants to around 550 last year before the current recession. It is by far the most successful MASA program in terms of numbers. Is competition, choice, and change a good thing or are consumers now choosing between two of the same product?

-Young Judaea Year Course is part of a larger framework and ideology, taking kids from its movement and camps (albeit a smaller percentage that it used to), and giving them all the option to return as staff members, and hopefully even as Hadassah members and associates down the road regardless of whether or not they were previously involved in YJ. If Aardvark Israel "only" brings young people to Israel but does so in potentially large numbers, does it matter or mean any less that it lacks the backing and framework of Hadassah, Young Judaea, or another established parent organization?

-How much would the incredible and unrivaled achievements of Young Judaea and its Israel programs over the last century play a role in your decision as to which program you sent your child on? Is it more important to "save" Young Judaea or to develop new and alternative Israel program options? Is it one or the other? Is there a conflict of interest here?

As far as what I think, I'll say this: if you want to give your high school graduate a life-changing experience, you could do no better than either of these programs. Talk to me about either if you have questions.

On Groundhog Day, I ask you: What do you think?

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Great Folk Tales!

And now, let's tackle some of the great legendary folk tales from our time:

1) Loch Ness Monster: Since becoming famous in the 1930s, stories of the Loch Ness Monster have fascinated scientists and adventure-seekers around the world. Supposedly located in Scotland, this dinosaur-looking creature has been spotted numerous times but never captured.

2) Bigfoot: Also known as Sasquatch, this ape-like creature has been both seen and photographed mostly in the Pacific Northwest of the United States. In the words of Mitch Hedberg, "I think Bigfoot is blurry."

For the three people out there who don't want to dress as a Navi,
possible Purim costume?


3) Falafel, the "healthy snack": Passed down across generations of Diaspora Jews, many educators have taught children about the nutritious benefits of a warm pita stuffed with falafel and salad. Because nothing says "healthy" like deep-frying. (These educators come from the same school which claims that pizza is healthy for representing up to four food groups.)

4) Bank Leumi's express line: Rumored to be located near the entrance of one of Israel's most popular banks, this "service" line is said to help customers with simple requests in a quick and easy manner. Despite Leumi's presence in Israel for over 100 years, the convenient nature of its express line has never actually been verified.

These are the legends which have been passed on throughout the generations. Will you teach your children as well?

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Shalom, Cripple!

In my last post, I touched on political correctness as looked at by someone living in Israel. I know that Israelis sometimes get our labels wrong but this is ridiculous.

A little sensitivity training, anyone?

That was beyond a poor translation. Hat tip: (Zev)

You know who's great at translating between English and Hebrew? (bad segue) My friend Martin "Mort" Rogovein, another Texan who's lived here for a good fifteen years or so. For those of you in the Tel Aviv area, his a cappella group Chutzpah will be performing near Bazel tomorrow. They've been singing as a group for years now and are great. I expect to be there, feel free to stop by!

שישי ברחבת ג'אזלנד:

מופע חצוף במיוחד שיחמם את האוירה

בצהרי שישי הקרוב ה-29.1, בין 12:00

ל-13:00, תתקיים ברחבת חנות ג'אזלנד הופעה של הרכב אקפלה "חוצפה". ההרכב יבצע אולדיז ג'אז וקטעים ישראלים.

מידע נוסף באתר של הלהקה http://www.chutzpahquartet.com/

Friday in the Jazzland courtyard

A Heartwarming performance full of chutzpah

Friday afternoon, 29.1 12:00-13:00

In front of the Jazzland shop a performance by the Chutzpah acapella group. The group will sing oldies, jazz, and Israeli music.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Jpost Uses "Retarded" in Headline. Benji Laughs.

You know what makes me laugh? The last thirty minutes of "The Naked Gun." Larry David in "Curb Your Enthusiasm." And when Israelis say words that were once acceptable in American English but whose time has passed. Like "Afro-Americans." Every time I hear it, I cringe.

But you know what? WE'RE the nutballs who keep changing our labels and why should the rest of the world have to keep up with them? I'm American-I get where political correctness came from. I appreciate the attempt to make everyone feel at home in such a diverse country. I value the effort to empower the disadvantaged while making others look over at them and not down. But Americans figured out long ago that it's gotten out of hand.

So apparently "midgets" our now called "little people"? What the hell? Are we going to change it again in five years to something else? If I go back to the US and find that "chickpea" is offensive to women, sorry, I ain't budging.

Here's a new headline on Jpost which I got a kick out of.


That's just terrible. Say what you want about the global warming but enough with the insults. In America, we recognize that some global warming is "special."

Yes, I love that rare occasion when a kind, activist Israeli woman tells me that she works in a non-profit to help retarded children. It kills me. And I love that I live in a country where I can call things "retarded" and not worry about offending someone. Long live retarded, Afro-American midgets!

And if you don't live in Israel and don't get this post, you are humor-istically challenged. Or whatever Americans call it these days.

Update: If you're offended, I invite you to read the comments...

Sunday, January 17, 2010

February Comedy Tour: NOW BOOKING!

Do you like to laugh? Would you like to help an oleh in need? After successful comedy tours last February and November, I'd like nothing more than to come back to North America next month for more of the same. (That was for you, Canada, I'm just dying to visit and spend some loonies and twonies.) To make this happen so I don't have to trade my blog for food stamps, I'm asking you loyal readers for help.

If you'd like to see me in a Federation, Hillel, or chumus bar near you between February 18th and March 1st, I invite you to do one of a few things:

1) Send me a message via my website or by emailing blovitt at gmail dot com

2) Send this link or the information below to any contacts at Federation young adult groups, Hillels, synagogues, or any other Israel-related groups such as AIPAC, Israel Bonds, or Taco Bell (just making sure you're paying attention. Although if you have connections at Taco Bell, I'd love to know about them.)

If you have any questions about pricing, dates, etc., contact me directly rather than commenting below. Thanks a lot and hope to see you in real life.

Looking to bring a great program to your community?

Following up on his successful eleven-show tour in November, American-Israeli comedian Benji Lovitt will be back in the US between February 18th and March 1, 2010. Benji’s hilarious show about life in Israel is a must-have user guide to life in the Middle East for anyone considering a visit to the Holy Land.


"Benji's show was hilarious and gave an inside look at real life in the Middle East. More than that, the audience left feeling invigorated and connected to both Israel and its people."

-Karen Garfield
Dallas Office, State of Israel Bonds



Benji has performed for numerous groups including Birthright NEXT, Hillels, the Jewish Federation's General Assembly, Israel Bonds, the Conservative movement's Rabbinical Assembly, and many others. His perspectives on life in Israel from his award-winning blog What War Zone??? have been featured in the Jerusalem Post, Ynet, Haaretz, the Jewish Daily Forward, PresenTense Magazine, and more.

If you are interested in a show for your organization, please reply to this email.

More about Benji.
List of groups Benji has performed for.
Watch Benji in action!

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And Have You Tried the Chocolate Chip Kaki Dough?

Hello, people-can you believe this ridiculous weather? Spent some time in Tel Aviv this weekend. Wow. Warm, sunny....are we sure it's winter?

You wouldn't know from walking around. People at the beach....drinking coffee at outdoor cafes. And of course, partaking in some delicious ice cream. Well, maybe I'm making assumptions about the "delicious" part. Check out this new flavor.

Please, G-d, let this be another misspelling. I don't ask for much.

So what's your favorite fake ice cream flavor? Mine is raky rega. (I thought of that in college, I've been waiting for years to share it with the world.)

And I swear on my blog, the other night, we were talking about Ben & Jerry's and somebody mentioned the flavor Charlie Garcia. You can't make this stuff up (explanation if you don't get it).

Enjoy the weather! And maybe stick to frozen yogurt.

Thanks, Lonny!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Israel: Where a Senior Citizen Can Be a Gever Gever

Just a few days ago, I saw my old friend Sarit who I went to college with in Austin. Sarit grew up in Israel and went to uni in the US after her army service ("uni"? "UNI???" I guess I've been hanging out with Brits too much. Especially in this 20 degree weather (there's that Celsius thing again.) I came here, she stayed there, and for various reasons, I've barely seen her for eight years.

When she came to Tel Aviv for her cousin's wedding, it was time to catch up. And after years apart, there's a lot to catch up on. She's got four kids.....her husband started a new company....her 60-something year old aba drives a tustus.

Exsqueeze me? A baking powder? (Hebrew: "Slicha?")

Let's rewind:

Sarit's uncle: "I'll just tustus over and get a shawarma."
Me: "Who has a tustus?"
Sarit: "My father."
Me: "Your father has a tustus?"
Sarit: "He got one after I left for college. He doesn't have the patience to sit in Tel Aviv traffic."
Me: "Omig-d! That's crazy! What does your mother think?"
Sarit: "She rides on it too, on the back."
Me: "What are they, kids? And what do you think?"
Sarit: "I don't like it, it's dangerous."

Ech omrim "role reversal"? Hilarious. This country cracks me up.

Almost twice my age and he could definitely kick my ass.
A real gever gever ("manly man"....this phrase definitely deserves its own post)

From more than three years ago: my first tustus ride...wow, Sarit, you even commented about this at the bottom. You are truly one of my loyal readers.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Ech Omrim "I'm Wearing Shorts in January"?

Good morning, my loyal readers! Enjoying the gorgeous Israeli weather? As I just wrote on those popular social media sites, if global warming hasn't made it to Israel, then I have some lovely beachfront property in Ramallah to sell you. Good G-d, why am I in my room with the window open, wearing shorts? Oh yeah, because it's warm as hell. (And my jeans are in Ahmed's Laundromat in South Ramallah.)

And on that note, not sure what Wunderground.com is but a Google search of "Jerusalem weather" brought this up first. Apparently they provide information about the weather and in the words of my friend Martin, had their map of Israel drawn by drunken elves.

If you have knowledge of meteorology and the art skills of a first-grader, we're hiring.

I love that it's so warm, I just wish I actually knew the temperature. Yes, I am a dumb American who only knows the non-metric system. You could tell me it's 55 cubic falafel units, I'd probably believe you. Sorry, America, we screwed this one up. Systems based on the power of ten are better and (check out this bombshell) what we call football isn't football. I think we gotta get behind the rest of the world on this one.

Now when they start calling their nasty dip with alfalfa sprouts "hummus", I draw the line. Actually, call it whatever you want, world. Just don't call it "chumus."

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

B'ima Sheli, Who Has This Much Time on Their Hands?

B'ima sheli, I know I love using this phrase but it never occurred to me to help teach it to the world beyond my blog. Who in the world decided what the world was missing was an explanation on UrbanDictionary.com?


Kind of loses something in the translation, doesn't it? In my mother, this website is ridiculous.