Omig-d, 50% of My Body is Now Hamburger

It's Yom Ha'atzmaut, which is Hebrew for "go to the park and eat a cow". It's all about the mangal (barbeque grill). Much to say about this incredible day...but no energy to put the proverbial pen to paper right now. (Ech omrim "proverbial pen"?)

In the meantime, here's a recent article I wrote for PresenTense Magazine, a relatively new Jewish monthly mag. The theme of the issue is, what else? Israel's 60th and the topic of the article is Facebook in Israel. Enjoy...and chag ha'atzmaut sameach!

Future advertisement for Goldstar? I'm waiting by the phone...

Yom Hazikaron (Still Not Israeli)

Dammit! I did it again. (I almost sounded like Britney there.)

This time, wearing an orange polo. Of course I slept on a couch in Jerusalem last night so it's not like I had much choice.

Racing back to Tel Aviv for the fun to begin tonight. Details to come.

Chag Ha'atzmaut Sameach, wherever you are.

Home and Rotting Vegetables?

Post #2 today:

Hot off the presses, my latest column in the Atlanta Jewish Times.

Eat Your Heart Out, Empire State Building

This is about all I have energy to post... Showing up in the same clothes as the day before can only mean one of two things:

1) "WawaWEEwa!"
2) Your new co-workers said, "come on, watch Maccabi Tel Aviv in the Euroleague championship game and then just crash here in Jerusalem!" and you said yes. The related lack of sleep and time away from my apartment gives even more reason to look forward to the upcoming time off...as if Israel's 60th weren't exciting enough already.

I can't believe I'm still managing to post these days...we'll see how long it lasts.

Here's something that had me tickled pink yesterday (ech omrim "tickled pink"?) I managed to understand the vast majority of it. Seems the Israelis are slowly entering the War Zone and enjoying it.

And finally, before I fall asleep drooling on my MacBook, here's a pic to get you excited for the 60th. I love Azrieli.
Apparently the individual lights are "sold" for 10 shekels each with the money going to some good cause. Anybody know anything?

Benji Massachusetts Travel Announces New Trips to Sderot!

Here's a recent Ynet column which I found to be a must-read. The author describes what the Kassams have done to....ummmm...."intimacy" in Sderot.

Sderot is not Tel Aviv. Here you will not find pick-up bars or crowded pubs, and it is not easy to find a partner for a one-night stand. Usually, I have been told, relationships here develop slowly and surely, and only the crackling rocket alert loudspeaker serves to accelerate the process. Indeed, the Qassam rockets are an effective and active matchmaker.

Who wants to be alone when rockets are landing around here? At times of distress, we all need an embrace, a shoulder to cry on, a warm chest, and a comforting and protective body: I don’t want to stay alone tonight, so stay with me - simple words that connect people and arouse hidden desires.

In order to support the economy of our barraged Negev town, it is with great excitement that the Benji Massachusetts Travel Agency announces its new vacation package to Sderot. This package is open to singles only and will begin with a "mifgash" component through which Tel Aviv residents will be paired up with singles of Sderot. The mifgash will take participants to a local winery to enjoy delicious Israeli wines. (In the absence of local wineries, participants will proceed directly to the hosts' residence to discuss current events, take part in social activism, and get drunk.) This is the "home hospitality" portion of the trip, designed to strengthen connections between the two cities, or whatever.

First and last stop on the tour: Motel Shesh.
I hope they serve V-Shmoneh.

The bus will leave immediately after the completion of the hospitality component, no later than 4 AM, due to our very important meeting in the morning.

To any Israelis who have not yet been to Sderot, I highly encourage you to go and there's no better way than on an organized tour.

Benji Massachusetts Travel: Connecting People

Glad to See Israel's 60th is Putting Everyone in a Good Mood

Did you see my post a few months back about SOS Israel?

To review, this religious group led by Rabbi Shalom Dov Wolpo decided that we'd all be better off not living in the current state of Israel, which along with the US, according to him, are partners in our own destruction, but in a new autonomous state in Judea and Samaria. In concordance with this decision, on the eve of Israel's 60th, SOS Israel has redesigned the Israeli flag with the Magen David replaced by a Gush Katif yeshiva destroyed after the disengagement.


I have taken the liberty of redesigning the flag as well and plan to send it to SOS Israel so that they might consider it once they establish their new state. It's a little raw but not bad for a first draft.

Why am I getting a hankering for Cocoa Puffs?

The full story from Ynet.

(Thank you, Blogger, for your new future-date function! It's Friday mid-day right now...hope this story's still relevant in two days.)

I Think They Just Opened the Dictionary and Threw Darts at Words

I can't believe this type of thing isn't allowed. Must be a security thing.

See IsraeliByDay.com for more horrendous signs...

Internet Marketing 101: Free Tips from Abu Lovitt

Good morning, my loyal readers-and now a quick lesson in internet marketing.

Heard about the four P's? Let's go through them quickly.
1) Product: what you're selling. Let's take Mexican food in Israel for example. It's nasty. Good luck marketing that.

2) Price: self-explanatory. Dr. Pepper costs 85 million shekels per can. I wonder why they don't sell more here. The more competitive your prices, the easier you'll be able to sell your product. Have you been to AM/PM before in Tel Aviv? I only go there if, aleph, it's Shabbat, or bet, I'm at gunpoint. They won't be hiring me for their marketing team anytime soon.

AM: PM stands for "Ante Meridiem: Post MAMA MIA ARE YOU FREAKING JOKING???"

3) Place: where you're selling, how the product gets to the customer. I hear our neighbors make chumus better than we do. I also won't be finding out anytime soon. This may explain why I don't see many commercials for Chickpea Joe's in Ramallah (or maybe it's because I don't have cable.)

4) Promotion: where and how you get your message to your customer. Internet advertising is the way to go these days although it seems that we still have some kinks to figure out in 2008.

WHY AM I SEEING THIS ON MY COMPUTER???

Apparently, the hottest new site for Jewish online dating.
Jdate, consider yourself warned.

Ooh la la! Baby baby-how about you come back to my place and we make fatwas all night long? At least they made the ad in my native language this time.

More misplaced Middle East advertising from everybody's favorite Arab Jewish blogger!

Thanks, Talia!

"Eets a Small World Eeeeeeh.....fter All..."

Holy hafuch, Batman....I don't know how long I can keep up these 11:30 PM posts...at least not after I get home from work at 9:30 PM. With 24 minutes left in Israel, I need to put this April posting record out of reach. I feel like Barry Bonds in 2001 (minus the steroids).

So all my Jewish readers (most of you) have probably figured out that the Jewish world is ridiculously small. When you're Jewish, it's small. When you grew up in a youth group or summer camp, it's really small. When you also lived in NY, it's even smaller. When you also moved to Israel, it gets even smaller. And when you do all of these things AND work in the Jewish community...good Lord, I think I'm 2 Facebook degrees removed from Bar Kochba. (Not to brag but he poked me.)

Here are only the most recent example of how small my world is. In less than 24 hours:
1) The guy I'm replacing hands me the phone the other day. It's Amy, a woman who currently works for Young Judaea who came aboard after I left (we met last year). Turns out that this guy helped arrange for her to do Year Course program promotions to his teen groups. I'll now be arranging this.

2) Hitching a ride with my friend Shara from Tel Aviv on road 443, I call my department director Meir to let him know I'm running late. He asks where I am. I tell him. He says "get out of the car, I'll pick you up." About 2 minutes later, I'm in his car.

3) Fast forward half an hour-I make my way to the mini-kitchen (because G-d forbid anyone starts their morning in this country without first injecting a cannister of Maxwell House into their veins. I know we don't have a Constitution in Israel but if we did, wouldn't it protect the right to drink coffee from 9-10 AM?) Who's making coffee? My dear friend Emil, former co-worker from YJ, who stopped by to do whatever shlichim do at the Chavaya Yisraelit (I think they just come by to learn new Hebrew slang that they've missed out on and drink coffee.)

How come every time I drink coffee,
I feel like I'm watching a commercial from 1987?

4) Replaced dude hands me the phone again to speak with someone else who he works with. It's my adopted kibbutz mother from 15 years ago, Leah. Seems that I'll be doing something with her too. When she stopped by the office today, she brought me a box of dates. Why are people so nice in this country? SERIOUSLY???

5 and 6) New co-worker who drove me in today dated a girl I met in the job I just quit....guy who drive me home has a cousin who just started at the place I just quit.

I haven't collected any empirical data yet but I have a theory that there are actually only seven Jews in the world. I'll get back to you on that.

28 posts this month with 2 minutes to spare.

Just because...

Dr. Oh My Lord

When you move here, everyone reminds you to STOP CONVERTING INTO DOLLARS. Mostly because you don't MAKE dollars, so it's pointless. (If you don't live here and don't understand, trust me.)

Oh...and then there's the whole reason of not wanting to have a heart attack.

Here is the first Dr. Pepper I've ever seen in Israel after a late-night mee-nee-mahr-keht visit.


Here is the same Dr. Pepper with a view of the price tag.


Here is Ichilov Hospital which admitted me after falling into a catatonic state.

Looks like I'm switching to a new drink. Good thing there's not a water shortage in this country.

Oh wait...