It's been too long, my loyal readers, and for that I apologize. If you've wondered where I've been for the last 2 weeks, well...I'm in chul. Short for "chutz la'aretz", or outside of Israel, this is how Israelis refer to everywhere abroad. For all you aspiring olim out there, you must use this word correctly. I'm not going chul. I'm in chul, as if it's a country itself.
For G-d's sakes, where the hell is chul? (Just keep looking, you'll find it soon...)
Lucky enough to get a free ticket to the States for a work weekend, I've spent the last several days at home seeing family for the first time since I moved to Tel Aviv. After 9 months of making fun of Israelis for all of their craziness, I was eager to return to the States for the first time. I'm sure every oleh chadash goes through the same thing during their first trip home: the proverbial reality check during which you truly appreciate the differences between the two places, feel how far you've come, how much your life has changed... So what have I figured out during these past few days? Umm...that American is crazy? Seriously, how can breadsticks be a viable food option?
Eat your heart out, Jeff Foxworthy.
What happened to "land of the free"?
Have fun, Timmy.
I love you, America; it's good to be back.
Eat your heart out, Jeff Foxworthy.
- If you see someone drinking out of a mug, and that mug can hold up to 64 ounces of liquid...you might be in America.
- If the Cingular employee has to use a fourth-grade teacher passive-aggressive voice two times to tell the same impatient customer to sign in and please wait his turn, and you sense that she actually wants to bludgeon his face with a pick-ax...you might be in America.
- If your host has one of these...you might be in America.
- If you put your CHILD ON A LEASH...well...you know the rest.
What happened to "land of the free"?Have fun, Timmy.
- If you finish a meal without a vegetable within a 7 mile radius...you might be in America.
I love you, America; it's good to be back.
7 comments:
LOL at the kid on a leash- years ago I thought about getting one of those (just to use at the airport, actually), but realized that it would take all of 10 seconds before an angry Israeli mob descended on me. We'll never see that item sold in this country!
Enjoy your trip!
Growing up, I'd see parents with their kids on leashes and I thought it was kind of scary. Having just chased a (mostly) fearless and very inquisitive, willful three year-old around various parts of South Florida, I have to admit that I can see the leash attraction, even if I didn't actually go so far as to get one.
When your salad consists of lettuce from a bag and single tomato..sometimes.
When getting a steak means something other than "entrecote" (what crap).
Eat some Tex-mex for us!
I saw that picture of the kid on the leash, and I chuckled, because not only is that strictly a piece of American craziness, but also because I have witnessed one of my immediate family members be restrained one such device! In all fairness, he was 4, and in Disney World for the first time...
Anyway, here it goes:
If three of the people running to lead your country do NOT believe in evolution, you might be in America...
If it becomes a social norm to call French Fries, Freedom Fries out of spite for France (who didn't even invent French Fries), you might be in America...
Have a Trudy's enchilada for me.
If you consider walking up stairs to get from Level 1 to Level 2 to be too much work... you might be in America.
Humm... couldn't help noticing that you referred to America as "home".
You know you're in America when you hear someone order a double-cheeseburger and large french-friens. With a diet-coke.
You know you're in America when there is one store that have everything you need.
You know you're in America when everyone thinks it's ok to use the word 'shmuck' even if they're not Jewish.
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