"Buy Our T-Shirts, You Fat Americans!"

Hello, my loyal readers and visitors from Jpost's Must See list! To those of you new to this War Zone, feel free to look around and stay a while. And Merry Christmas to any non-Jewish subscribers out there...

So this day started like most others, with me hopping online to check news and sports scores from the night before. While reading Jpost.com, I happened to spot an ad for "Major League Shirts in Hebrew." Ok, I'm a sports fan, I'll check it out.

Hmm...where are my Texas Rangers? Strangely absent. And the Montreal Expos haven't existed since 2004. Also a little weird. Unless you offer me 2004 prices, I may have to shop elsewhere.

Anyway, I figured I'd take a look at one of their shirts and clicked on the New York Yankees. The description reads as follows:

Show your love and support for your favourite team, as well as your sense of fun - with this great t-shirt featuring the insignia of the New York Yankees baseball team on the front.

Notice anything? The British spelling of "favorite" which is certainly not a crime, although probably not the best marketing tactic when selling baseball shirts to Americans, although it does begin to explain the extent of their knowledge of baseball. I half expect to see a shirt for "Brooklyn Dodgers" any time now...

But take a look at the shirt sizes.

Could this be any more specific? My kid turns six and a half tomorrow. WHAT TO DO???????

But keep scrolling down...

XL? XXL? XXXXL???? HOW FAT DO THEY THINK WE ARE? Apparently Israelis aren't the only ones in need of some good hasbara. Sure, the world may not hate us...they just think we eat Big Macs seventeen times a day. I always found it a little weird to see people walking around with the shirt that says "XXXL" on the front. Why not just write "I am enormous"?

I just chose "XXXXL" and entered "3" in the Quantity box, displaying the following message:
"Sorry, Yankee-we are unable to accommodate your order. The mailman suffered a slipped disk lifting the box. Lose some weight, fatso."

All this web surfing has got me hungry. Time for breakfast. But what to eat on a poor writer's salary? Too bad Israel doesn't have Arby's... Oh yeah...that's not unhealthy. Does it come with a free session with a gastroenterologist?

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