- I estimate that I've been to the airport at least six times in the last few weeks to welcome and send off tour groups from the States. Anyone know the abbreviation for Ben-Gurion Airport? נתב''ג (nahtbahg), or Namal Teufa Ben-Gurion. This of course means that should we ever open an airport for George Bush, we'll call it נתג' ''ב. That's right. Nutjob. I don't care what your politics are, that's funny.
"In five minutes, we'll be arriving at the Nutjob."
(Can anyone think of who "nutcase" would be for?)
- Reading a bio the other day, I came across the word "posthumous." I must be turning Israeli because I read it as "post-chumus." Or maybe I was just hungry.
For those of you new to the Middle East, let me explain: if Heath Ledger wins an Oscar after his death for his performance in the upcoming Batman movie, it will be posthumous. When they bring you the little shot of Turkish coffee after you stuff yourself, that's postchumus. And if the taxi driver starts driving without turning on the meter after you get into the car....well, he's trying to screw you. - When planning these trips, I usually end up sending them to eat lunch in a restaurant or two (most meals are in hotels or on their own). One of the old standbys is a place in Jaffa called Dr. Shakshuka which is famous for their...any guesses? That's right-Hamburger Helper. (Just making sure you're paying attention. Seriously though, what in G-d's name was Hamburger Helper? Remember the commercials when we were kids? From Wikipedia:
Hamburger Helper is a brand of boxed meal product produced by General Mills and sold under its Betty Crocker brand. It consists of a starch (most often pasta, but also rice or potatoes) and specially measured dried sauce packets separated in a single box. The remaining ingredients must be provided by the consumer.
BOXED MEAL PRODUCT??? Jesus, Americans, what are you EATING??? If the "consumer" has already reached a point in desperation where he is resorting to Hamburger Helper, I'm guessing he ain't taking the time to provide any remaining ingredients.There is as well an "instant" version of Hamburger Helper which contains dehydrated meat, noodles and seasonings in a small pouch.
When a four-fingered hand starts talking to me,methinks it's time to find something else to eat.
ANYWAY....G-d, have I lost all my readers by now? I like sending my groups to Dr. Shakshuka, whose name just happens to amuse me. Does this person even exist? I totally plan to call up my kupat cholim (HMO) and demand an appointment with Dr. Shakshuka. If it leads to a best-selling Israeli Jerky Boys type album, even better.
Me: "What do you mean, there's no one by that name?! I demand an appointment!!!"
Customer Service Rep: "Ehhhhhhhhhhh....I ehm sohry, there is no one by det name!"
Me: "I AM AN OLEH CHADASH!!! LET ME SEE HIM, DAMMIT!!!"
Don't steal my idea, people. I don't ask much.
For the newer readers...
Here's some good Israeli airport adventures.
Other weird eating habits of Americans...
18 comments:
This is going to be included in the next issue of Haveil Havalim.
Benjie -
Sorry "Natbag" is not an acronym.
It comes from the last words of the Public Address announcements made every 10 minutes at the airport- "Airplanes to this facility arrive and depart every 10 minutes or so, but Not Bag."
Israelis have taken the last word as the nickname for the place as Natbag.....
SO first of all, one of the FUNNIEST posts you've had. The Nut Job is priceless.
Second, apropos Dr. Shakshuka, you were on year course 3 years before me, but I can only assume that the same was true for your year. Remember how on the first day they told us not to eat at Melech Hafalafel on King George because it wasn't covered by FEMI (I think that's what the health insurance on YC was called)? Cause they already knew everyone would get food poisoning there.
After Dr. Shakshuka, I suppose you would go to Dr. Lek for dessert--specializing in ice cream, for those of you who didn't know. If want a special cushion for your back, you go to Dr. Gav--specializing in cushions and massage chairs.
So are these the Israelis that said, "Mom, I'm going out to make a bunch of money. Tell all your friends that your child is a Doctor."?
This might be an urban legend but I heard that the road signs to the airport had the airplane symbol but had NATBAG in written instead of Ben Gurion airport. Tourists who were driving to the airport couldn't figure out where to get off, and continued to Jerusalem or Ariel and many people who rented cars ended up missing their flight until they changed the sign.
This may also be urban legend, but I once read an article that the founder of Dr. Lek was a South African Dentist who couldn't find any decent ice-cream in the country so he opened the ice cream kiosk in Jafo.
I wonder what kind of doctor Dr. Shakshuka was.
Umm, Benji? Using the meter is an easy way to get screwed. Just get an idea of what the trip should cost and negotiate from there. Besides, how could you pass up an opportunity to bargain in Israel??
Not always-you know you're getting the true cost with the meter. If you don't know where you're going, they could jack up the price especially if they think you're a tourist.
Wow. That was a very Robin Williams-like post.
Of course that's a compliment.
(BTW, no matter what I do, on the meter or off, I always feel like the taxi drivers are screwing me. Especially in Tel Aviv, where I am less familiar with the city.)
F*ck! The meter? Really? I am a retard. I just posted and I mean just posted on my blog about my time here in Israel a blog about bargaining with the taxi drivers and not trusting the meter. Was I given bad advice? Should I start demanding the meter?! Please tell me! Also an Israeli Jerky Boys type album would be hilarious. It is hard to fathom that there is not one already in existence. You really should look into this and get that sucker made before someone else!
About the meter. You're in Israel, there are no rules about anything.
If you know the way you need to go, use the meter and make sure that the driver doesn't take the longest way.
If you don't know where you are going, it's an either or situation.
Once you've taken the trip with the meter, you can negotiate that price or lower.
If traffic is bad, you'll get screwed by the meter standing in traffic, but a set price is a set price.
By the way, the taxi driver who doesn't turn on the meter doesn't have to report the fare, so you are putting cash directly in his pocket.
Am I the only person who hasn't been totally screwed by taxi drivers? I have been mildly overcharged, but nothing serious. Of course, they often feel guilty overcharging me since they just offered their wonderful son or grandson to be my future husband.
There used to be a road sign near Ramle/Lod with a sigh to: נתב"ג and it was translated into English as "NATBAG"
What sane person would know what "NATBAG" is in English?
There is absolutely a Dr. Shakshouka. He is a giant fat bald Tunisian guy. He is often at the restaurant, though he is semi-retired.
Here is a pic of him (many more to be found in google pics): http://www.rol.co.il/index/business/dr-shakshuka-business.html
Shut up! Dr. Shakshuka...EEN DEH FLESH!!! Nicely done, Anonymous!
By the way, I think the last 2 conversations have taken the oogah for most all-over-the-place comments. Good times!
Before they had decent signs at the airport--a couple of years ago--I got back to the airport, but couldn't find the place to return my rental car because all of the signs said "car rental return here ( with arrows in different directions) I drove into a million different places before I found the old offices of Budget and they let me return it there and then drove me to the main building.....I sent a complaint email and the next year it seemed to be all fixed ( not by me, of course!).....BUt it is like the old adage..."aifoh zeh....YASHAR"......THERE MUST BE NO PLACES IN ISRAEL AROUND CORNERS!--(By the way, saw "Hellboy 2 yesterday and loved it!--)....MOMMA SUE
Just wanted to (kinda) identify myself as the anonymous who outed Dr Shakshouka.
Found your blog via Israel 21C and as someone who's been here 11 years, your observations are right on the mark about how funny it is to live here (which if I didn't still find it hillarious,I would probably have jumnped out of my law firm's window by now).
Looking forward to more.
buuut
what if Heath Ledger were to win a hummus award (say, they were giving these away in the famed Abu Ghosh film institute) for his appearance?
What THEN?
there's a dr. oaf, and a dr. toast on rehov shmuel hanavi here in Jerusalem .. there might be other doctors of the culinary industry thereabouts, but i forget.
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