More odds and ends from the suburbs:
- For the first time in my life, I just approached a Starbucks counter and knew exactly what I wanted, saying "grande latte" immediately. That was scary. I think I'm turning American.
- If I were around any one person for enough time, I’d probably drive them mad with my non-stop comparisons about America and Israel. Really though, it’s quite odd (did I just turn British with the last 2 sentences? I’d drop a “take the piss” reference but my American readers would definitely be confused.) A few days ago at Chili’s….holy cow. There are SO MANY CHOICES on their menu. I was in shock and couldn't stop thinking "OMIG-D, there is SO MUCH STUFF on the menu!!!!!!" Which might explain why I kept saying “OMIG-D, there is SO MUCH STUFF on the menu!!!!!” Along with all the pictures and cheesy marketing phrases, they leave nothing to the imagination, right down to the perfectly staged picture of the margarita splashing up in the air. I’m sure my friends were thinking “umm, who kidnapped Benji and replaced him with a foreign dork?”
- I kept seeing some Nutrisystem diet commercial at the airport. You can eat pot roast! You can eat pizza! You can keep eating unhealthy crap that your body isn’t supposed to eat, as if you’re eating stuff that your body IS designed to eat!
"I never looked back...."
maybe because I couldn't turn my burger-eating neck.
(I'm making fun of the diet, not the people. Just in case I almost offended anyone.
I am way too sensitive to write this blog.)
maybe because I couldn't turn my burger-eating neck.
(I'm making fun of the diet, not the people. Just in case I almost offended anyone.
I am way too sensitive to write this blog.)
- Hey look! More CNN! With the presidential race in full swing, I could watch that for hours. They do a story on the boyfriend of Sarah Palin’s daughter who slipped one by the shomer (guard) if you know what I mean. Well, the story wasn’t on him per se, but rather the intense and over-the-top media coverage of him. Ok, I’m sorry, if you’re an overbearing media outlet doing a story on the overbearing media outlets, you’re an idiot. Just like the ESPN sportscaster a few months back saying “I AM SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYBODY TALKING ABOUT BARRY BONDS." Dude, stop talking about Barry Bonds.
- I know I never talk politics here but how can anyone get past the fact that Obama voted “present” 130 times and McCain voted with Bush 90% of the time? I can't in good faith throw my complete support and confidence behind, or bash either candidate. We need more candidates.
- On my way to the airport, I offered to help one guy take his bags off the shuttle. A few minutes later, I grabbed some other guy’s bags at the security check-in and lifted them off the carousel for him. They may or may not have thought I was an alien.
Hey, can I help you? No, I'm not from outer space. Just from Tel Aviv.
- I walked up and down the terminal looking for an acceptable breakfast option for about 15 minutes before finally settling on Burger King. When some employee sat down next to me with her unhealthy yet extremely tasty breakfast combo, saying "b’tayavon" crossed my mind. Philosophical question: is "b’tayavon" appropriate for Burger King? I feel like foods should have to pass some kind of minimum standard. It’s like making a toast at a wedding over Zima or something.
- The 25th annual MTV Video Music Awards are tonight. Raise your hand if you give a flying falafel.
24...1948...Aleph Aleph! HUT HUT!
13 comments:
You sound like you are freaking out a bit. Perhaps some deep breathing exercises. Maybe you should go for a drive, cutting people off and honking your horn at them.
Forgive me for this radically unorthodox suggestion, but perhaps you could just make your own nes and humus. Instant coffee is available in the US, but 3% milk isn't, but you can always get cream or half and half. And humus, well, let me send you a recipe and you will see that it's not so hard to make...even you can do it.
Benji: sounds like you need a humus fix...
I miss "American"/dinner and fast food breakfasts. MacBreakfasts never made it to Israel. So it's been ages since I had a MacMuffin with MacEggs. Do they even still have those?
As much as I enjoy Shakshukka with finely chopped salad and 5% cheeses, I miss piles of pancakes with butter and maple syrup.
Did you know you can have hummus for breakfast? My husband has that. When you come back we should take you to a place in Acco that servers hummus only until noon.
MA ze?
I meant.
McBreakfasts, McMuffins & McEggs
Benji, what does "voting with Bush 90% of the time" mean? Last time I checked, the President doesn't "vote." Does it mean 90% of the bills McCain voted for were signed by the President? I'd say that indicates a certain level of leadership and effectiveness. Does it mean McCain voted in a way that matched with the President's stated position? First, that would make sense since they are in the same party (how often do you see even Tzipi Livni vote against Olmert? I'm guessing less than 10% and they clearly have different policies). Second, that would be impossible to measure since positions are so nuanced and legislation so convoluted. "130 present votes" is objective (and pitiful). "90% voting with Bush" is campaign fluff that makes no sense and speaks only to the Obamacons who nod their heads in agreement 100% of the time the Great Orator tells them how to think.
I am not an alien, I'm from Tel Aviv. What a classic line. You had me laughing about almost saying betyavon at the Burger King.
Mah pitom (what suddenly)? Zima is the original malternative! Surely that deserves a shehechiyanu...
Keep the updates coming...
Jealously yours,
Lonny in Jerusalem
Anonymous, it means McCain supported Bush's position on legislation 90% of the time. He reached this number 5 of the last 7 years. I'm not saying vote for Obama. I'm saying that agreeing with President Bush on this many issues does not make me or most Americans particularly comfortable.
Get yourself a stiff drink, whatever that means. Non Sequitors are always good for a blog.
ilana -- whole milk has 3.7% fat... it hasn't been that long since i've been in the states and i'm pretty sure that it's still available there. or has the nanny state entered the supermarket while i was gone ;-)?
It's Tuesday here. Which means we're over the workweek hump and the weekend is almost upon us.
"No, I'm not from outer space. Just from Tel Aviv." Hysterical! And sadly, very true.
Also, I agree that we need more candidates for presidency here in America. I'm not really sold on McCain or Obama. I guess I'll be voting for whoever sucks the least. Plus, I think anyone will be better than Bush - most Americans are just ready to see him out of there and someone new in his place.
I am an American, born and raised, and I think this post is great! My ancestry is Irish, but all I know is here. It is refreshing to hear an "alien's" perspective. I do not think that I could disagree with you on one point. Our food is barely definable as such, we need a different candidate selection process, and I am a Saturday Sabbath keeper, so you don't even lose me there. Keep writing, it's great!
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