Comments on What War Zone???: Reason #485 Why You Should Go to Ulpan

ok that sderot line was terribly funny. (note the ...

2008-04-24T09:28:00.000+03:00

ok that sderot line was terribly funny. (note the adj choice of 'terrible)

Ilana-Benji didn't get the corn tomorrow joke. I ...

2008-04-08T08:09:00.000+03:00

Ilana-
Benji didn't get the corn tomorrow joke. I explained it to him and he said he would take my word for it. Good humor is apparently lost on him.
Go spend more time in the sun!

I did Ulpan full-time at first, and I'm attending ...

2008-04-08T02:08:00.000+03:00

I did Ulpan full-time at first, and I'm attending part-time now, and while it has helped, it wasn't nearly as useful as meeting Israelis at clubs who don't speak English and trying to flirt. It's fantastic. Especially when they're wearing one of those is-that-English-or-any-other-language-for-that-matter? t-shirts. True story.

But otherwise, switching sentences from active to passive and back again in Gimmel Plus Ulpan for 5 hours a day, 6 days a week didn't do shit for me. The shuk was a lot more helpful. Especially the creepy rebbe-looking guy with the veggie stand just a little after it switches from clothing to food.. he always accosts me. That's where I first learned the tzivui for לנגוע. "Hamudah! Rotzah ananas? Gezer tari? Tov la'aynayim hayafot shelach!" (grabs me... not in an appropriate location) "Al tig'a bi!!" I didn't even know that verb before. My Hebrew education had been too spotty--6 different teachers between the US and Israel, no consistent curriculum for teaching vocabulary, so lots of repeats and lots of skipped ones... but it just popped out. Like a revelation from God that told me how to avoid being raped by scary-veggie-guy. It was entertaining. (Well, not until after my roommate noticed I'd been detained and ran up to save me from him. It was a little scary before that.)
Sexual assault: the ultimate crash-course in Hebrew, nu?

I also get proposals from waiters in restaurants when I make mistakes in my Hebrew. Not when I outright ask for an English menu, though.. then they want nothing to do with me and don't even come to take my order unless I threaten to rugby-tackle them down when they next pass by the table. But if I make a few mistakes in genders of adjectives... I could have a date every night for weeks. Thoroughly entertaining.

Tuna doesn't belong on pizza and no, it's not a go...

2008-04-07T14:25:00.000+03:00

Tuna doesn't belong on pizza and no, it's not a good substitute for pepperoni. Neither does corn, but better than tuna.

And Benji, are you sure this aliya moment is brought by the letter alef (your tag) and not the letter ayin (עלייה) - gotta love Hebrew U ulpan - where you can't say a word on the street but can understand Ph.D.s and Ha'aaretz -- but the free dailies - that's another story!

1. I haven't yet tasted a decent pizza in this cou...

2008-04-07T01:29:00.000+03:00

1. I haven't yet tasted a decent pizza in this country.
2. My mother-in-law makes tuna pizza which pizza Blasphemy.
3. For years I tried to understand what was printed in English on T-shirts here until I realized that it was actually poorly translated Chinese.

Hmm. Good point. May I just say I had too much Tel...

2008-04-05T09:58:00.000+03:00

Hmm. Good point. May I just say I had too much Tel Aviv sun yesterday and my brain was frazzled?

Though, if I had to guess where mini-America was I would say Las Vegas.

And thanks Mitchell! :-) There must have been some benefit to yesterday's brain-frazzliness (I know that's not a word, I'm still in Tel Aviv).

"Which means that you should at least try corn on ...

2008-04-04T23:25:00.000+03:00

"Which means that you should at least try corn on your pizza once. And then when you say, 'Hey, I don't remember eating corn.' You can think of the pizza you had yesterday. :-)"

Best comment ever! Benji - promote this woman.

i LOVED getting pizza w/corn!!! yummy! i remembe...

2008-04-04T23:24:00.000+03:00

i LOVED getting pizza w/corn!!! yummy! i remember being a little weirded out when someone ordered duck on their pizza from dominos over there!!!

"If I wanted to live in mini-America, I'd just go ...

2008-04-04T23:07:00.000+03:00

"If I wanted to live in mini-America, I'd just go there instead of being here."

Where is mini-America?

'Course I get service in a restaurant. Perks of b...

2008-04-04T20:50:00.000+03:00

'Course I get service in a restaurant. Perks of being a blond in Israel. Plus, being a girl, I do have some other attention-getting features--and I don't mean my stunning personality. ;-)

And in all seriousness--olim chadashim should definitely learn Hebrew and try being more Israeli. That's why we're here right? If I wanted to live in mini-America, I'd just go there instead of being here.

Which means that you should at least try corn on your pizza once. And then when you say, "Hey, I don't remember eating corn." You can think of the pizza you had yesterday. :-)

So many comments to make, so little time.First of ...

2008-04-04T15:45:00.000+03:00

So many comments to make, so little time.

First of all, my kids hate the pizza in this country, don't know why. I find it yummy, (but not with corn or tuna--especially ISRAELI tuna).

Which isn't as bad as its reputation. We finished the last of the thirty cans of tuna we brought on our lift a few weeks ago, and it's really not that bad. But why can't Israel import solid white tuna?

As far as ulpan goes, I love my ulpan, am learning alot, and have made friends there (for that reason alone, new olim should go). But I hate it that I am immediately identified as an olay, even though my hebrew is pretty good.

And my kid, glancing over my shoulder asked why a religious guy is wearing that shirt. I told her he obviously can't read.

You can be sure that at any given moment some Isra...

2008-04-04T11:07:00.000+03:00

You can be sure that at any given moment some Israeli is ordering a vile pizza with corn and tuna, and is flushing it down with grape flavored juice.

I love your blog! You are hysterical... thanks for...

2008-04-04T10:08:00.000+03:00

I love your blog! You are hysterical... thanks for making me laugh out loud.

Awwwwwww...I like corn on things...even pizza. It'...

2008-04-04T08:30:00.000+03:00

Awwwwwww...I like corn on things...even pizza. It's good :(

That pizza looks like it is covered in boils. The...

2008-04-04T08:11:00.000+03:00

That pizza looks like it is covered in boils. There is some ten plagues correlation, but I'm not getting it.... PS Hysterical tshirt/kippa combo.

This is my first time reading your blog. Pretty fu...

2008-04-04T02:56:00.000+03:00

This is my first time reading your blog. Pretty funny stuff...

Benji, you hafta stop talking about our Jerusalem ...

2008-04-03T23:00:00.000+03:00

Benji, you hafta stop talking about our Jerusalem meals in your blog. And don't knock it till you try it. I offered you some, and I'm pretty sure my sister did too. :-)

OOOH - funny note - my CAPTCHA ends in CYJ. I'm emailing to to you cause I know you won't believe me.

You get service at a restaurant?The day I try tuna...

2008-04-03T22:44:00.000+03:00

You get service at a restaurant?

The day I try tuna on pizza is the day... Ok, I'm never trying tuna on a pizza.

what about tuna - that's gotta be the least appeal...

2008-04-03T22:26:00.000+03:00

what about tuna - that's gotta be the least appealing (but surprisingly yummy) topping for Israeli pizza. Next to the extra-sweet Israeli ketchup of course. Corn ain't so bad now is it?

I am laughing NEAR you! :-DMay I just say that I w...

2008-04-03T22:17:00.000+03:00

I am laughing NEAR you! :-D

May I just say that I was a great ulpan student, did my homework, understood every word my teachers said and even spoke in class.

On the street. Nothing. I understood nothing.

While ulpan is good for a foundation upon which to build language skills in this country, ulpan Hebrew is not the basis of conversation with real Israelis (note: they hate it when you correct their grammer).

Whenever I make Hebrew mistakes at a restaurant, the waiter wants my phone number, declares his undying love and promises to be loyal for life. Does that happen to you, too?

;-)

maybe this religious young man just wants to say t...

2008-04-03T21:14:00.000+03:00

maybe this religious young man just wants to say that it is a mitzva to reproduce and g-ds will to do so. :)
pretty unlikely thought though ^^