Benji Massachusetts Travel Announces New Trips to Sderot!

Here's a recent Ynet column which I found to be a must-read. The author describes what the Kassams have done to....ummmm...."intimacy" in Sderot.

Sderot is not Tel Aviv. Here you will not find pick-up bars or crowded pubs, and it is not easy to find a partner for a one-night stand. Usually, I have been told, relationships here develop slowly and surely, and only the crackling rocket alert loudspeaker serves to accelerate the process. Indeed, the Qassam rockets are an effective and active matchmaker.

Who wants to be alone when rockets are landing around here? At times of distress, we all need an embrace, a shoulder to cry on, a warm chest, and a comforting and protective body: I don’t want to stay alone tonight, so stay with me - simple words that connect people and arouse hidden desires.

In order to support the economy of our barraged Negev town, it is with great excitement that the Benji Massachusetts Travel Agency announces its new vacation package to Sderot. This package is open to singles only and will begin with a "mifgash" component through which Tel Aviv residents will be paired up with singles of Sderot. The mifgash will take participants to a local winery to enjoy delicious Israeli wines. (In the absence of local wineries, participants will proceed directly to the hosts' residence to discuss current events, take part in social activism, and get drunk.) This is the "home hospitality" portion of the trip, designed to strengthen connections between the two cities, or whatever.

First and last stop on the tour: Motel Shesh.
I hope they serve V-Shmoneh.

The bus will leave immediately after the completion of the hospitality component, no later than 4 AM, due to our very important meeting in the morning.

To any Israelis who have not yet been to Sderot, I highly encourage you to go and there's no better way than on an organized tour.

Benji Massachusetts Travel: Connecting People

Glad to See Israel's 60th is Putting Everyone in a Good Mood

Did you see my post a few months back about SOS Israel?

To review, this religious group led by Rabbi Shalom Dov Wolpo decided that we'd all be better off not living in the current state of Israel, which along with the US, according to him, are partners in our own destruction, but in a new autonomous state in Judea and Samaria. In concordance with this decision, on the eve of Israel's 60th, SOS Israel has redesigned the Israeli flag with the Magen David replaced by a Gush Katif yeshiva destroyed after the disengagement.


I have taken the liberty of redesigning the flag as well and plan to send it to SOS Israel so that they might consider it once they establish their new state. It's a little raw but not bad for a first draft.

Why am I getting a hankering for Cocoa Puffs?

The full story from Ynet.

(Thank you, Blogger, for your new future-date function! It's Friday mid-day right now...hope this story's still relevant in two days.)

BREAKING NEWS: Red Hot Chili Peppers Spotted in Bat Yam!

How else to explain this story?

A 27-year-old man, claiming to be a yeshiva student, decided to launch an unusual protest against a court ruling allowing stores and restaurants to sell leavened food during the holiday of Passover. The man, dressed as a haredi, arrived Monday afternoon at a store belonging to the non-kosher Tiv Taam supermarket chain in the city of Bat Yam, just south of Tel Aviv. Upon his arrival, he undressed and remained with only a sock covering his private parts.

I assume they mean he was dressed as a haredi before dropping trou, right? The next time I see tube socks in Mea Shearim will be the first. (Ech omrim "dropping trou"?)

The man explained that he could not be prosecuted for an indecent act in
public, because according to the court's interpretation of the leavened food law, a supermarket is not considered a public place. He even wrote on his stomach, "This isn't public???"

Well, it is now, buddy. Thanks for sharing. Does Tiv Ta'am sell vomit bags?

From my friend Mort: I wonder if it was a white tube sock, or if it was one of those fancy cris-crossed argyles that the haredim usually wear. Too bad there weren't any pictures.

No, I take that back. Thank G-d there weren't any pictures.

When my parents checked me into my dorm room the first day of college, there were already beer cans all over the table and this poster up on the wall. Can you say "uncomfortable"?

According to crazy dude, "I left the sock on because I'm religious." That's it-I know what I'm wearing to shul next Yom Kippur as I streak across the mechitzah. WHO'S WITH ME???

(Thanks, Mort and Tony.)

Purim in Sderot (Better Late than Never)

Is it too late to talk about Purim? Because of camera issues, I didn't have my pictures till now but I don't want to let it go by without at least a quick recap. (Usually when I preface an email with "in short", I proceed to write a 75 page thesis but this will probably be quick. For some nice, emotional gobbledygook about Purim in Israel, see last year's recap.)

(Two more quick things:
1) Gobbledygook is in Wikipedia and would you believe there's more than just a sentence? YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO SCROLL DOWN TO READ IT ALL. WHO IS TAKING THE TIME TO ENTER THIS CONTENT???

2) Ech omrim "gobbledygook"?)

What does a cat on a tustus have to do with gobbledygook?

Nothing. So let's move on.

Holidays rule in this country. Thursday night I went to a party at a bar thrown by the organization of birthright alumni. I am the first to brag about my history of great costumes. This year did not add to the list. I am playing the "I was busy" card; only a couple of days before Erev Purim, I started to brainstorm. Sadly, those around me didn't share my vision. I was discouraged into saving "slutty separation fence" for another year.

At the 11th hour, I was running around Dizengoff Center begging the cashier at Home Center to lend me her red overall uniform to no avail. I couldn't find a Pizza Meter nearby to get one of their delivery uniforms and my El Al flight attendant friend didn't get back to me. Sigh, here we go.

One sheet of construction paper...check.
One cardboard box out of a dumpster...check.
Scissors....check.
String...check.
Marker...check.

And voila!

Hamantaschen Post-Iran.


Don't worry, nobody at the party got it either.

Five corners? Nuclear radiation? Never mind. Perhaps "nuclear Hamantaschen" or "Dimona Hamantaschen" would have made more sense....or maybe not. Hey, you take chances...they can't all be winners. I WILL NOT DUMB DOWN MY COSTUMES FOR THE MASSES!!!

(Ok, I'm over it.)

Friday morning, rather than go to any of the big outdoor festivals, I did something much more important to me: drive to Sderot. I've wanted to go for a couple of months and was never able to make it happen. If you don't know what Sderot is, I don't know where to tell you to begin. Here are a few links.

Before things quieted down a little following the incursion into Gaza, people in this country were just so angry and fed up with the situation there and the government's failure to do anything. It's strange for me to be here while it's happening. During the last intifada and especially while recruiting for Young Judaea Israel Programs, I was so frustrated by the way the vast majority of the American Jewish community just completely stopped visiting. I feel like those Israelis who have channeled their emotions into an actual visit are few and far between. I was fortunate enough to be able to come on a Federation solidarity mission in 2003 and there was no way I wasn't going to get to Sderot at some point.

So Friday morning, I awoke at 7 AM to drive with my friend Tal. On the way to meet him, I picked up a couple of oznei Haman (Hamantaschen) to give him as mishloach manot. According to a wise, Jewish man I know (let's call him The Internet), there are four mitzvot to fulfill during Purim.

1) Hearing the Megillah
2) Giving to the poor
3) Giving mishloach manot
4) Listening to Milli Vanilli's "Girl You Know It's True"

Just making sure you're paying attention. #4 is eat at a seuda (festive meal).

Tal and I with our Milli Vanilli costume starter kit.

I was hoping to do all four this year until I was told that, "Sorry, moron, the Megillah's only on Thursday night." Who can keep track with Shushan Purim and Purim Meshulash? (By the way, if you didn't get it, I am the moron.)

Fine, so shopping in Sderot was my version of giving to the poor (or in this case, needy) and I planned to have some friends over for dinner Friday night. As Meat Loaf said, "three out of four ain't bad." Or something.

Tal and I got to Sderot around an hour after leaving Tel Aviv. At first, I thought, "Man, the streets are empty! It's a ghost town...how sad!" before realizing that I was in a small town at 9 AM on a Friday morning. I'm pretty sure that had nothing to do with falling rockets. This wasn't exactly Gotham City. We parked the car and started walking around the small city center.

The first people we approached were two kids selling newspapers on the street. "Yediot Achronot! Chamesh shekel!" I gave the first kid ten and told him to keep the change. A few feet away, different paper, same situation. Didn't matter that I probably wouldn't read 100 Hebrew words. I was there to show my support and help the sagging economy. How to show your support besides spending money? Strike up a conversation with a local. I ask the first kid, "So what's it like living here?" He replies, "I live in Beersheva."

What the...??? HEY, I WANT MY TEN SHEKELS BACK!!! Punk.

We continued down the block and came across a group of yeshiva boys dancing in the streets for the chag. That was nice. It was uplifting to see some happiness there after what they've been through. At some point while discussing the amounts of money we were going to spend that day, one of us said, "Hey! What are we doing in Tel Aviv? We should come here and pose as locals! We'll make a fortune!"

A resident of Sderot who was nice enough to drive me around town.

Any resemblance to a middle-class Long Island native is strictly a coincidence.

Then the shopping commenced. We bought a few things at a hardware store, a food store, and somehow resisted the urge to buy ars-y jeans (the dangling zipper-chains attached to the back pockets made it easy).

Next stop: cafe for breakfast. Two things to say about this:
1) The waitress's costume was really cute.

"Rak lo tseva adom!" Just not the color red. "Tseva adom" is the name of the alarm that sounds when a rocket is about to hit. Her shirt had stickers of all different colors...except for red. I loved it. Great.

2) The waitress spilled coffee all over me. Aleph, it wasn't hot, and bet, I thought, "I'm gonna come to Sderot and complain about coffee??? Not a chance." I just smiled.

See, folks, Sderot really is dangerous.

Last stop, supermarket. I spent a bunch of cash there and, not surprisingly, I've already let some of the vegetables go bad....what else is new?

After about three-and-a-half hours, we headed home. On the way out, we passed one of the protective bus stops.

A closer look revealed the sign's donors...

How about that, my friends in Atlanta? See where your dollars go? For those of you American Jews who give on Super Sunday, kol hakavod (loose translation="good job"). Those who don't, I hope you'll consider. (Ok, I just went to the Atlanta Federation's website and see that this identical picture already resides there. So much for me winning the Pulitzer.)

So how was it? Quiet. Normal. No sirens. Just another day in Sderot. (Wasn't that a Jon Secada song? 1992 in the house!)

I'm so glad I went. It's important to support Israel these days and the people of Sderot need it. So whether it's visiting, giving money, sending care packages to the kids who are surely going to have issues to deal with as they get older, writing a letter to an American senator, or whatever...I hope everyone does something.

Better late than never....chag sameach.

(Did I say "quick"? I meant "meaningful".)


Live in Jerusalem and looking to help? This just in:

Fair for Vendors from Sderot and the Gaza Periphery, April 11th, 10:30- 15:00

The situation in Sderot and the Gaza periphery is difficult, and has taken its toll on all of the area's residents professionally, personally, and financially. Looking for a way to get involved without making the long drive?

Come do your pre-Pesach shopping at The Merkaz and support businesses from Sderot and the surrounding areas. The atmosphere will be festive, with fun gypsy music and stands with vendors of all sorts.

The entrance fee is only 10 shekels, free for children, to cover costs.
Please come out in support of these great business owners. For more information, contact Deena at 02-561-9165 *203 or at deena@themerkaz.org

Entrance to The Merkaz is at 7A Dor Dor VeDorshav, to Mozeon Hateva on Hamagid Street.

Kikar Rabin: "Lights...Camera....Ehhhhhhhhhhhh"

Tonight was Earth Hour here in Tel Aviv, an hour to turn off lights to make a statement about global warming and the environment (hopefully this statement was that it's not good). Thousands came to Kikar Rabin for a concert, sponsored by the city, where the band Knisiat Hasechel performed. At 8 PM, the lights went out in the iriya (municipality building) and apparently in certain businesses around the city who agreed to participate. The lighting for the band was powered by a group of spinners on an adjacent stage (When I was a kid, these were called stationery bikes. When the hell did "spinning" come along? What is this? Do Israelis call it "speeneeng"?)

I love the site of people in attendance to support the environment...smoking cigarettes. I wonder if they'll pass out plastic flyers with information about global warming as well.

Here's a short look. If you don't recognize the female journalist, that's Bar Rafaeli. She likes when I call her "Amalia". That and "Sugar Falafel".

Earth Hour for the rest of the world happens in two days. Who says Jews are late?

Haaretz Gets in Touch With Their Inner Tupac

YO YO YO, MY LOYAL READUZ!!! This is MC B-Love, kickin' it from the 03 in TA.

EAST SIIIIIIIIIDE!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to focus today on my main man Moziz. Moziz be CRAAAAAAAAAAY-ZEEEEEEE!

I knew it for a while, you know what I'm sayin', but I don't know if Y'ALL know it. Lemme aks you this: if I told you Moziz was frontin' all that time in the desert, not keepin' it real or being true to himself, would you believe me, dawgz? NO?

WELL, BELIEVE THAT!

Moziz was STRAIGHT trippin', yo!

(If Israelis don't understand what I just say, fear not. Neither do I, although do know that white youth in America like to listen to music lyrics like these. For more info on Moe, click here.

G-d, I hope they leave the headline.)

Legends of the Mossad: Don't Worry Israel, You're in Good Hands (Belch)

Pull up a chair, my loyal readers, it's time for a history lesson. Today we're going to talk about an Israeli legend, Meir Amit.

....a man who made the Mossad what it is today as director during the 1960s...

....a man who helped deliver its first MiG fighter plane when its Iraqi pilot defected to Israel...

....a man who fought in the War of Independence, served in the Knesset, and is a monumental figure in Israeli intelligence...

And a man who likes a vodka shot right around 5 in the afternoon.

Meir Amit, his grandson and my friend Itai, and I. I tried to get him to spill the beans on why Marzipan is so good but he wasn't talking. Those Mossad guys are tough.

BREAKING NEWS: Hamas taken over by 7 year-old

How else to explain this article?

After the siege imposed on the Gaza Strip and the targeted killings, the
Palestinian organizations have found a new reason for firing Qassam rockets
on southern Israel: Cartoons published in Denmark denouncing Prophet
Muhammad.

Um…can you repeat that?

The Salah al-Din Brigades, the Popular Resistance Committees' military wing,
claimed responsibility for firing the rockets. The organization's spokesman,
Muhammad Abed al-Aal, told Ynet that the firing operation, dubbed "the lines
of fire", was a response to the "crimes of the Israeli occupation against
the Palestinians," but also "in response to the cartoons published in
Denmark degrading the memory of Prophet Muhammad.

Is that how it works? In that case, in response to the Tel Aviv municipality not giving me my arnona discount, I plan to strap arsim to short-range missiles and launch them at population centers in Gaza City. (I apologize in advance for the disproportionate response.)

"He started it!"

Asked why the residents of Sderot and the Negev should pay the price for
cartoons published in Denmark, Abed al-Aal responded, "The Jews have also hurt
Islam and have also hurt the Koran in their prisons, as part of the plot to harm
Islam and the memory and status of Prophet Muhammad.

Abed al-Aal added that the State of Israel looked at him funny.

Isn’t there a statute of limitations on misguided revenge? These cartoons are almost 2.5 years old! You didn’t see me kicking the dog this morning just because I got picked last in kickball in 3rd grade. On second thought, I propose that Israel nuke Miami Beach in response to the pogroms.

In an off-the record comment, al-Aal added that he also blamed it on the rain that was falling falling in addition to the stars that did shine at night.

The Palestinian leadership explaining their logic.

(Hat tip: Talia)

A Review of "Tomorrow's Pioneers": Two Bombs Down

Hello, my loyal readers, we're back. I saw that the writers strike in the States has come to an end. And thank goodness for that because there is some real junk on TV right now. Take the newest season of "Tomorrow's Pioneers", broadcast on Hamas television.

Remember that show? Farfur? Nahoul? It's back, this time with a Bugs Bunny look-alike named Assud who pledges to "eat Jews."

Yikes. We Jews have enough on our proverbial plates as it stands: genocide, taking over the world...who wants to be dinner? (I must admit however, I taste divine with a honey mustard vinaigrette.)

Here are my thoughts on “Tomorrow’s Pioneers”:

• Was this made by a 3rd grader? The production is terrible. It’s 2008…have these people seen “Shrek”? Gimme some CGI…morphing…HD…something! Costumes….terrible. Soundtrack…lame. Somebody should lose their job over this.

• A couple of dudes start giving CPR to the bee but they’re not using quick breaths. Didn’t you learn this stuff at your terrorist camp? I sure as heck learned it at my summer camp. I hated the swimming lessons but I guess it paid off. Next time I have to resuscitate a 200 pound bee, you can be sure I’ll know how to do it.

• The acting is horrendous. Who’s the fat dude with the beard just sitting there with his back to the camera? Yeah, he looks concerned. This is the most unemotional death scene I’ve seen since Susan licked the toxic envelopes.

• We meet Saraa, the narrator. Saraa…baby…it’s 2008. You gotta spunk it up a little. That’s what girls like in their role models. Hannah Montana, Spice Girls…show some cleavage. (Ech omrim “cleavage” in Arabic? Ech omrim “ech omrim” in Arabic?)

You don't see Hannah eating Jews, do you?
If she did, would they go straight to her tush?

• I just saw Winnie the Pooh in the background. In Hamas, it’s translated as “Winnie the Shaheed.”

• For those of you who don’t know the Gaza dialet of Arabic, I will translate the scrolling text at the bottom. “In the GBA, the Rafah Blue Bombers defeated the Khan Yunis Suicide Devils 101-89. For breaking 100, all Jenin fans with a ticket stub can receive one free shawarma at Ahmed’s After Dark.”

• Ok, now it’s getting good. We meet the rabbit, Assud. Um...why is he calling the human “father”? What the hell is going on here? Assud, about the wrap-around whiskers…you can get that waxed you know. I’m just saying.

Ech omrim "metrosexual" in rabbit?

• Olim, to get your key of return, please call Nefesh B’Nefesh. If you don’t stay three years, you must return it.

• The interview: apparently they used the old Pee-Wee's Playhouse studio? And what’s the reward for Assud killing himself, 72 carrots? Ehhh....what’s up, Doc(tor Rantissi)?

• Ok, he was raised by a human, he's called "lion”, he’s a bigot…dude, this rabbit has a serious identity crisis. Forget the Anti-Defamation League. WHERE IS PETA IN ALL THIS???

In conclusion, this show sucks. Welcome back, writers-we missed you.

For more on "Tomorrow's Pioneers": http://www.whatwarzone.com/2007/07/milk-honey-and-anti-semitic-bees-that.html

(Thanks, Mort, for the heads up.)

When are Elections Again?

Is this some kind of joke?

Israel has informed the Palestinian Authority that it will stop pursuing 32 Fatah gunmen in the West Bank, a PA security official said Sunday. The official said the decision to pardon the gunmen belonging to Fatah's armed wing, the Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, came after a three-month "trial period" during which they had refrained from carrying out attacks against Israel.

TRIAL PERIOD??? Trial periods are for Adobe Acrobat, not for TERRORISTS!!! "Ehhh....dees guy tried to keel me! I want to return him. (pause) B'seder, for store credit then!"

"Not satisfied after 90 days?
Yiyeh b'seder! Do you have the original receipt?"

"The names of the gunmen have been completely removed from Israel's list of wanted Palestinians," the official said. "From now on the gunmen will be allowed to move around freely and without fear of being targeted by Israel."

Have you ever tried to get off a telemarketer's list? IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!! Unless you're a terrorist apparently. Next time Jerusalem Post calls me, I'm telling them my name is Jachnun Ahmed Malawach.

Over the past three months, the gunmen stayed in PA security installations after surrendering their weapons and signing a pledge to refrain from terror activities.

What this article failed to mention is that the gunmen pinky swore, crossed their hearts and hoped to die, and sang N'Sync's "This I Promise You."

From right to left: Justin Timberlake, Lance Bassafat...

"It's Raining, It's Pouring, The Old Man is...EHHHHHHHHHH......."

The big story here, aside from the Winograd Report, is the weather the last few days. While the snow was coming down in Jerusalem, the heavens opened up in Tel Aviv and brought down buckets of rain (follow links for pictures of the white stuff.)

It hasn't rained much this winter (does it ever, really?) but when it does, it comes down and this time, with winds as heavy as I've felt. Two days, two broken umbrellas. There is nothing more annoying than buying an umbrella and having it turn inside-out within 3 minutes. I swear, even Mother Theresa would drop F-bombs. (Ech omrim "F-bomb"?)

Where I come from, they're not supposed to look like this.

Yesterday, I didn't have patience for a 10 minute walk under those weather conditions so I hailed a cab to drive me to the train station. After the cab started moving, I asked the driver in Hebrew*, "Is it 'tacha-NAH rakevet (train station) or 'tacha-NAHT rakevet' ?" His look gave one of four answers:

A) Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..............

B) I hate my job.

C) Who gives a *$*%&???

D) A and B

I guess somebody gives a *$*%& because every time it rains, it makes the news. Not just the rain but the updated water level of the Kinneret, as in "the water level in the Kinneret increased 4 centimeters today but is still 8 centimeters below the red line." I don't know much about it but basically, I think the red line is the "healthy water level".

And although I haven't seen documented proof, if I'm not mistaken, this is the only line that exists in the entire country. Unless you count this one...

HAPPY WINTER, EVERYBODY!

*It's "tachanat". If you know smichut, you might be Israeli.

I Love Ynet: PLAYOFFS, HERE WE COME!

Good morning, my loyal readers! The feedback I've gotten from a couple of my close friends is that they most enjoy reading about my personal stories and experiences, rather than commentary on news stories. I agree-recaps at the iriya are more fun to write but also more time-consuming. And really...when Ynet keeps making it so easy to poke fun, how can I resist? I'm a couple days late on this story but better late than never.

As the world continues to worry about a nuclear Iran, I offer these words of encouragement:

WORRY NO MORE!!!

This just in from Vegas: Israel by 3.5

Need I say more?

This is Where My Taxes are Going?

As if this wasn't silly enough...

Now it turns out that the Knesset may be renaming the term "maternity break" because it implies that mothers are on some kind of vacation.

“The word ‘break’ makes it seem as though the parents are taking a long vacation on a beach somewhere, and can then return to work tanned, rested and happy,” says MK Melchior.

“The truth of the matter is that the exact opposite is true: The months following the birth of a child are a trying, exhausting, time for new parents, and are incredibly demanding both physically and mentally.

In an unrelated story, a group of pregnant mothers have submitted an initiative to rename the government. Said twenty-nine year old Ruti Guf-tov, "The word 'government' makes it seem as though our representatives are leading our country."

Because this delicious snack contains neither chicks nor peas, effective immediately,
it will henceforth be referred to as Michelle.

Are They On To Me?

Only a short while after this (and this), Ynet has changed their site.

BEFORE

AFTER

Have the editors been checking out What War Zone??? After all, it is now linked from Jpost's Blogroll. C'mon, Ynet, hire me already.

I can't wait to see what they do next.

Seriously, Ynet?

I'm one more ridiculous headline this week from making a Ynet category in this blog. This is what greeted me when I clicked onto their site this morning.


Most Israelis are not racist. They spent money on a poll to tell us this? Wow-way to raise the bar, populace. What's tomorrow's paper going to say?

"Poll: Most Israelis do not beat their dogs after snorting cocaine."

BREAKING NEWS: Two Jewish States!

Here's something I posted on Israelity the other day.

According to this story in Ynet, the religious organization SOS Israel is planning to set up a new state in the West Bank should the Israeli government decide to withdraw in a peace agreement. This, from Rabbi Shalom Dov Wolpo:

“First of all we must understand that ‘it will come to pass,’ in other words- to internalize the lessons of the cruel expulsion from Gush Katif and to cease living in illusions. It is upon us to choose if we want to be brought to the slaughter, God forbid, or to stand up for our lives against the government’s intentions. There is no doubt then that the only solution is to immediately declare the establishment of an autonomous Jewish state in Judea and Samaria. The time has come to seriously consider erecting a legal body that will unite the Jewish settlements in Judea and Samaria as a state-to-be,” Rabbi Wolpe wrote.

This is amazing, my loyal readers! Just over 100 years ago, Theodore Herzl dreamed of a Jewish state. Did anyone ever dream in this lifetime that we would see a second??? Just imagine…

Twice the pushing!

Twice the bureaucracy!

TWICE THE HOOTERS!!!!

A new Jewish state in the West Bank? WHY NOT???

Here is my nomination for the national anthem.

Two Jewish states...the possibilities are truly endless. Just one question: can we send the arsim to the other one?

Oh, those crazy talkbackers

I have a love/hate relationship with online news. I like the immediacy of it but I hate…ok, I’ll say it. I hate the commenters at the bottom. At least when it comes to the Middle East. Could these individuals be the most angry, hateful people on the planet?

Average exchange…

Article: “The peace talks began in Annapolis today…”

Commenter: “I HATE ISRAEL!!! DEATH TO THE ZIONISTS!!!” Signed, Tom from Cleveland

The article could be about anything. “Falafel is a tasty snack.” THE OCCUPATION MUST END!!!!

How could this cause so much anger in the world?

This just in! The Guinness Book of World Records has just confirmed this record-breaking achievement: just a few minutes ago, in only a single comment, a commenter managed to insert politics into a conversation that it had no business being in.

This Ynet article announces the brand-new 2 shekel coin entering circulation. What is the very first response?

Ugly but...the only nice thing about it is that it has Arabic letters! The language of the native of people of Palestine.

-Samadar _____, Jerusalem, Palestine

Mazal tov, Samadar! Guinness has also confirmed that you have more time than anyone in the world. Your prize is a lifetime subscription to every cable channel on TV and a free Tivo. That should help fill your schedule.

Update! (5:17 PM)
Comment #2: #1 shut up. you ignorant fool (ari)

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!!!

Catching Up....Seinfeld in Israel

I know I'm a few days late but this is for anyone who might have missed it.

There's other stuff on Youtube including a funny exchange where Jerry pokes fun at Shimon Peres for admitting he doesn't know about computer animated movies. The famous comedian (Seinfeld, not Peres) spent his four days here promoting his new movie, traveling around Jerusalem, and visiting Kibbutz Saar where he volunteered back in 1970.

And although I unfortunately did not get to meet him, I did have my day in the sun with our current President, back in the day. Here it is if you missed it...

BREAKING NEWS: Hooters Israel!

Hello, my loyal readers: after a prolific October, seems that it's been a while since our last posting. But here's a story I can't ignore, especially since I can't miss being what seems to be the first to press with this groundbreaking story, and because I had an exclusive invite to yesterday's private opening night party...without further ado...HOOTERS ISRAEL!!!

And just like that, orange takes on a new meaning in Israel. The logo as seen on the sign is the traditional one; no Hebrew translation. The restaurant is located down the street from Ikea, near Netanya. The biggest question everyone seems to have is "why not Tel Aviv?"
Not sure. I forgot to ask.

Sparklers kick off the event. "Ehhh...Dudu! The TV! Mah zeh NASCAR???" The place was packed. I was able to easily identify the Americans, as there were several there from the US Embassy and armed forces. I even ran into someone I'd met before whose picture was posted here a couple of months back (is it wrong to out someone at Hooters? I'll just be vague.)

Not bad! But where's the blue cheese dressing? All the food and drinks were free. Wings, onion rings, calamari, and even a sighting of mozzarella sticks. Definitely unlike any other meal I've eaten in Israel. And the answer is no, there was no chumus.

Yes, she's Israeli.

At least half the staff, including the waitresses and cooks, were flown in from America for a couple of weeks, creating some surreal interactions. Watching "Osnat" and "Bethany" do the verbal tango over who was going to carry the wings tray was high comedy. Can you play "find the American" in this picture?

If I'm not mistaken, they're doing the mayim step. About this time, roughly 483 male patrons congregated to take pictures. (Ok, I guess I was one of them. Hey, I'm a media member.) I saw someone carrying a microphone from Walla! along with many other cameramen. I was a little surprised that the peace talks were scheduled for the same day but it's the busy season, I guess.

Much, much more to report, coming soon.

On that note, look what I just dug out of the archives from Halloween 1999: an unidentified Hooters waitress with Run DMC. I think I got hit on by a cop that night. How many readers did I just lose?

Who Felt That?

Either that was G-d telling me I need to post more or I just felt an earthquake. I thought it might just be something in my building until my friend Laz in Jerusalem just confirmed it.

No word on the news sites yet.

12:00 PM And here's the first article.